When I was a kid we use to play this reckless game in the ocean. You started at the shore line, bent down grabbed a handful of sand, straightened then showed it to your friends. Then you all walked in for ten steps, reached down, grabbed a handful and so on. When you could no longer walk you swam, then dived down for that hand full of sand. This game is called chicken... how long will you keep going. Its fun when you dive down and the water is clear and warm. But then you dive down and the water turns cold and dark. Do you panic and turn back...or foolishly keep going. Where is the bottom? Will you even have enough air to get back to the surface. 
 
That's what this year has felt like to me. How much longer can I keep going before I run out of air. This time I feel I have found the bottom. For what its worth I have grabbed my handful of sand. Time will tell if I make it back to the surface....